


Even If You're Gone

by amirosebooks



Series: Feels Like Home [6]
Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Genre: Alternate Universe, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Reunions, Tattoos, Team Sidewinder are mentioned but they aren't in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-19 00:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1449190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirosebooks/pseuds/amirosebooks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The final chapter in my Feels Like Home / Weekend At Kelly's fanfiction AU.</p><p>This one has been a long time coming and I tried to fit in all the points I still wanted to hit with the series in one relatively quick fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even If You're Gone

_Boston October 2013_

Kelly hitched his bag a little higher on his shoulder as he made his way down the docks in Boston Harbor toward Nick’s yacht. If his heart did a little jig in his chest when he spotted the boat with its name, Fiddler’s Green, written in stylized script along the side, no one else needed to know.

A month had passed since he’d last seen his boyfriend in person. There’d been plenty of calls, texts, and Skype sessions in the meantime. None of it made up for the way that Kelly’s house felt empty for the first time in years because Nick wasn’t there reading on Kelly’s couch or cooking in his kitchen. Or how his bed felt too big and too cold with him gone. Even now, the quiet sound of waves lapping at the hulls of different boats on the docks sent an ache like homesickness through his bones.

Then he was standing on the deck of the boat, rapping his knuckles against Nick’s door. And when it opened he stood frozen for a few moments, soaking in the sight of Nick’s weary smile, the crinkling around his bright green eyes and the freckles that always seemed to increase in number each time Kelly saw him again after they’d been apart for a while.

Suddenly just the knowledge that he hadn’t been there to watch each new freckle show up on his lover’s face was too much. He crashed forward into Nick’s arms and they held each other—Kelly’s face pressed against Nick’s shoulder, Nick’s nose in Kelly’s hair—as the world moved by around them.

“Damn, I missed you,” Nick said in a rough, quiet voice.

Kelly choked on a sob. “I hate this, you live too damn far away.”

“So do you.”

Nick hugged him even tighter for a moment before pulling back enough to press his lips to Kelly’s. The kiss was slow and sweet and it settled something in his chest that he hadn’t realized had been knocked loose when Nick had left Colorado the last time. They definitely needed to figure the long distance thing out, because this time apart was no longer something Kelly could handle.

Nick nipped at Kelly’s bottom lip as he pulled away from the kiss. The light in his eyes was even brighter as his smile turned genuine and wide.

“Let’s get inside, Kels.”

Over the next hour or so they talked. Nick cooked and they ate on opposite ends of the couch with their legs tangled together across the cushions between them. The room filled with laughter. The sound was like a warm blanket wrapped around Kelly’s shoulders on a colder winter night. It felt like home, like everything he’d been missing.

When they’d finished eating Nick took their plates away to be washed, waving away Kelly’s feeble offer to help with the dishes. Which was just as well because they both knew he’d help for a few minutes before getting distracted or bored. Then there would be rushed blow jobs against the cabinets and that just didn’t feel right for this visit. Normally when they’d been apart for a while the first thing they did when seeing each other again was tear at each other’s clothes—searching for skin and sex and comfort. This time it felt slower, more important that they draw it out a little longer. Enjoy each other’s presence a little more before getting naked and sweaty.

Kelly stretched like a cat as he sprawled out on the couch. He looked around the room, taking note of all the little things that changed since the last time he’d been in Boston. There were a few new books in the bookcase. The pictures of Nick’s nieces and nephews had been updated with what looked like new yearbook shots.

The biggest change was in the form of a large, dark wood frame on the wall leading toward the hallway. It hung in a place of honor because it was important. Kelly knew how important it was to Nick because he had his own copy of it hanging across from his fireplace in his house in Colorado. Important enough that all of the remaining Sidewinder brothers had copies of it, actually.

About a month before, they’d all come home to find large boxes had been overnighted to them from Baltimore. Inside the boxes were the frames. And as soon as each of them had wiped away their tears they’d each made a phone call to Zane to thank him.

When they’d all shown up at Kelly’s house after returning from deployment for a weekend of shenanigans in the forest last summer, Zane had spent most of the time drawing. When they’d sat around the fire pit behind Kelly’s house and told stories that had grown embellished beyond recognition over the years, Zane was there with his sketchbook and pencil, laughing and smiling and drawing.

Kelly had asked him about it on the last morning that everyone was there. Zane had shown him a few of the sketches of the guys, the mountains and the trees. Kelly’s breath had caught when he’d seen a sketch Zane had done of Nick laughing and leaning against the railing of Kelly’s front porch. Zane had chuckled at that, pulled one of the knives out from his wrist sheaths, and cut the page from his sketchbook. Kelly kept the drawing in a frame next to his bed.

For the fifth anniversary of Eli’s death he’d made up prints of one of his drawings from that weekend, then had them custom framed and overnighted to each of them so they would all get them at roughly the same time. Afterward they’d shared a tear-soaked Skype session where they each thanked Zane and told him stories about Eli and how he’d filled out their ragtag group. How they’d all felt like crawling into his casket with him when he’d gone.

The drawing Zane had put together was incredible. It was from the night around Kelly’s fire pit. Owen and Digger were off to one side of the pit, pointing fingers at each other caught in the middle of an animated, happy conversation like they’d all done hundreds of thousands of times over the years. Nick was stretched out with his back against one of the logs Kelly had around the pit. He was laughing at Digger and Owen. Kelly was curled up against Nick’s side with Nick’s arms wrapped around him and Kelly had his head tilted up to watch Nick. Ty sat in a chair next to them, a lazy smile on his face as he watched the four of them.

If any of them had suspected Zane’s feelings for Ty weren’t genuine or that they’d been damaged in an irreparable way by everything that had happened in Nola, their worries would have disappeared into a cloud of dust after seeing the way Zane drew Ty. He’d drawn all of them lifelike with an almost eerie precision. But Ty’s image seemed to breathe on the page. Kelly almost expected to hear his drawl come out of the frame when he looked closely.

Still, none of that was what had brought Sidewinder to very manly tears. It was the ghostly image of a laughing Eli standing with his hand on Ty’s shoulder, laughing along with them like he was still there adding to their stories and talking shit. Apparently Zane had spent the months that Ty was gone going through the row house looking through photo albums and brushing up on his skills. The video Nick had given him must have helped him capture the bubbling-over light and laughter that Eli had in life.

Kelly swiped at the wetness forming in his eyes. The drawing always made him tear up because it reminded him so much of the good times they’d shared together and how they’d never be whole as a group again without the soul of their team.

He sat up on the couch. That’s when he realized Nick was leaning against the opposite wall, arms folded over his chest with a small smile on his face as he watched Kelly.

“You creeping on me, Irish?”

Nick chuckled. “You looked like you were deep in thought, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

Kelly snorted.

He stood and crossed the room, moving right up into Nick’s space. Nick’s smile widened to a grin. Kelly hooked his thumbs into Nick’s belt loops and tugged him closer.

“How about we get naked and filthy now?”

Nick hummed like he had to think about it, tilting his head back and forth like he was weighing his options. Kelly poked him in the ribs.

“Asshole,” He said with a laugh. “Let’s get naked so you can get inside me.”

“You’re so demanding,” Nick teased.

Kelly snorted. He spun Nick around by his shoulders and began pushing him through the boat to Nick’s bedroom. Once there Kelly gave him one final push in the direction of the bed before he started pulling off his own clothes. He was fully naked when he realized Nick was still completely dressed and watching him with a bit of a leer.

Kelly raised an eyebrow and stalked closer to his lover. “Like what you see, babe?”

Nick took his time dragging his gaze down and back up Kelly’s body. He met Kelly’s eyes with a lazy smile and nodded. “You know I do.”

Kelly’s lifted his hand to rest on Nick’s chest. “Then why aren’t you naked?”

Before Nick had a chance to respond Kelly grabbed two handfuls of Nick’s shirt and pulled them in opposite directions, sending the buttons holding the shirt closed flying. He started pushing the material back over Nick’s shoulders and froze once the material was bunched up around Nick’s elbows. Kelly’s eyes locked on to a stretch of skin on the left side of Nick’s chest.

Kelly swallowed hard and looked up into Nick’s eyes.

“Did you get some new ink while I was gone, babe?”

Nick’s teeth dug into his bottom lip as he nodded.

“Yeah,” Nick said in a rough, quiet voice.

“Can I touch it?”

Nick huffed out a laugh. “Yes, you can touch it.”

Kelly peeled his fingers off of the material that was still bunched around Nick’s elbows. Nick let the shirt drop to the floor. His arms remained loose at his sides and Kelly heard his breath catch as Kelly slowly traced his fingertips down Nick’s chest.

Right there on his ribs was a red rose. It looked like one of the traditional ones Kelly had seen in pictures of old sailors in their prime. There was black script written above and below the rose. Curved over the top it read _You’ll always be there with me_ and underneath it said _Even if you’re gone_.

Kelly didn’t bother to blink back the tears forming in his eyes, because he recognized the song lyrics and now he finally knew.

Months before Nick had shown up on his doorstep in Colorado to surprise him and he’d left a few hours after Kelly had finally worked up the courage to tell Nick that he was in love with him. It had hurt like hell to watch the shock spill across Nick’s features in the darkness of his bedroom, but Kelly had rolled with it. He’d pressed a kiss to Nick’s mouth before whispering that he didn’t want to scare Nick away and it was fine if Nick wasn’t there yet—if he never got there. The kiss goodbye the next morning on Kelly’s front porch was second only to the kiss goodbye they’d shared at the airport before Nick’s deployment in terms of ripping his heart out of his chest pain. Over the next few months Kelly had swallowed back the words hundreds of times. And he swore that nearly half of those times he saw Nick catching himself from saying them as well.

But getting that tattoo over the same spot where Kelly wore a scar from nearly dying in New Orleans? The scar that brought them together like this? It was answer enough. And the thousand pound weight that lifted from Kelly’s shoulders when he realized that Nick really did love him back and was really _in this_ with him was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. A level of happy he’d never reached before.

Nick shifted his weight under Kelly’s fingers, snapping Kelly out of his emotion filled daze. Kelly dropped his hands from Nick’s chest to Nick’s belt and after a few quick movements he shoved Nick’s pants and boxers down his legs.

Nick laughed.

Kelly narrowed his eyes as he met Nick’s happy grin. Then he squatted and wrapped his arms around the back of Nick’s thighs before standing quickly, effectively lifting Nick up before letting him drop back onto the bed. He yanked Nick’s clothes the rest of the way off and pounced onto the bed before Nick had a chance to move away.

Nick continued to laugh as Kelly claimed his mouth in a possessive kiss, his fingers clutching Nick’s red curls tightly. When Kelly rolled his hips rubbing their erections together they both groaned into each others mouths. Nick clawed at Kelly’s back as their bodies began to move together.

Nick fumbled around on the sheets for a moment and came back with a bottle of lube. A few thundering heartbeats later he was pressing slick fingers into Kelly, forcing Kelly to pull away from their kiss as he groaned and pushed back onto Nick’s touch. He rode Nick’s fingers with his head thrown back as Nick bit at the skin across Kelly’s collarbone, neck and shoulders.

Then Nick was removing his fingers and pushing his slick cock up into Kelly’s writhing, waiting body. They both cried out loudly, slowly as their bodies pushed closer and closer to each other.

Kelly sat up, resting his hands on either side of Nick’s head. Nick’s fingers dug into his hipbones. They stared into each others eyes. Changeable blue-green-gray to bright green. Eons passed as they stared at each other. The only sound in the room was their panting breath and the waves outside.

Nick grabbed a fistful of Kelly’s hair and yanked him down, crashing their mouths together in another passionate round of kisses. He rolled them until Kelly was flat on his back beneath him as they began to move against each other fast then slow and fast again. With every thrust bolts of pleasure ran through Kelly’s body like a cheetah after its prey. Every kiss made them both moan, sigh, groan and murmur against each others lips. They marked each other with teeth and nails as they fought to absorb the other through their skin into the empty places around their hearts where it felt like the other belonged. Each touch said the words they couldn’t yet vocalize but knew were true. They loved each other. Needed each other. And this was _it_.

Kelly’s orgasm came sudden and strong like a wave over the deck of a ship in a storm. His whole body tensed around Nick’s and he screamed out Nick’s name into the soft skin of Nick’s neck. Just as his body stopped spasming, Nick pushed as deep into him as he possibly could as he came inside Kelly.

When they eventually moved away from each other it was in slow, languid movements. Like the caress of gentle waves on a beach on a calm afternoon. Their hands never moved far from each other. Each of them tracing out silent sonnets onto each others sweat-slick skin. They lay on their sides, noses almost touching, legs tangled together as they shared one of Nick’s pillows.

Nick reached up and cupped Kelly’s right cheek. His thumb brushed against Kelly’s cheekbone as they looked into each others eyes. Nick licked his lips. There was a sudden terror around his bright green eyes. Kelly began to ask him what was wrong but Nick silenced him by resting his fingers against Kelly’s lips.

Kelly frowned and Nick smiled. It was a genuine, world-weary but content smile, one of Kelly’s favorites. It made his heart skip in his chest.

“I love you too, Kels.”

Kelly was so shocked to hear him actually say the words that all he could do for a moment was stare back at Nick. When he finally got his breath back, he pulled Nick close and kissed him deeply, slowly. Kissed him hard enough to melt the ache that had set up residence in his bones since he’d last held Nick in his arms before he’d arrived in Boston that afternoon. Hard enough to make up for the years of missed time that they could have spent like this, entwined with each other and deeply in love. He kissed Nick like they were both dying and this was their very last chance.

When he pulled away he pressed his forehead against Nick’s while they both panted.

“‘Bout damn time,” Kelly said.

They melted into a fit of giggles and fell asleep just like that.

 

________________________________

 

"Rose Tattoo" by Dropkick Murphys

[[Full lyrics](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dropkickmurphys/rosetattoo.html) & [music video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d8SzG4FPyM)]

 

_This one means the most to me_   
_Stays here for eternity_   
_A ship that always stays the course_   
_An anchor for my every choice_   
_A rose that shines down from above_   
_I signed and sealed these words in blood_   
_I heard them once, sung in a song_   
_It played again and we sang along_

_You’ll always be there with me_   
_Even if you’re gone_   
_You’ll always have my love_   
_Our memory will live on_   
  
_Some may be from showing up_   
_Others are from growing up_   
_Sometimes I was so messed up and didn’t have a clue_   
_I ain't winning no one over_   
_I wear it just for you_   
_I’ve got your name written here_   
  
_In a rose tattoo_   
_…_   
_With pride I’ll wear it to the grave for you_   
_…_   
_Signed and sealed in blood I would die for you_

**Author's Note:**

> The song lyrics that Nick got tattooed on himself are from a song called "Rose Tattoo" by Dropkick Murphys. In The Interrogation Room Nick had listed Dropkick Murphys as one of his favorite bands (and I've loved them for years and years). When I heard the song it immediately reminded me of Nick and Kelly and the inspiration for this fic took root in my mind. It still took a few months for me to get around to finishing it, but I think it turned out exactly the way it needed to.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been reading along since I started dabbling with this AU in June of 2013, if you're still here reading along I am eternally grateful. For those of you who found my fics later along the way, thank you as well. Collectively, you guys are why I keep writing at all. So thank you again.


End file.
